Book 3, section 6

I spend most of my remaining time at the Chestnut Tree Cafe. Time just passes. There isn't really point in it, as I know I am going to die soon anyways. So I just sit at the cafe with my gin, my mind skimming over random ideas. I can't seem to concentrate on anything for long; I've lost to ability to.
Julia and I talked for the first time since that day in the room. It's funny; even though O'Brien already told me that she betrayed me, and quickly at that, and I had betrayed her the second I was placed face to face with rats, it still was odd hearing those words fall from her lips.
"I betrayed you"
But life goes on, more or less, and I am just glad that O'Brien was once again correct. I am cured, and I am sane.
And I love Big Brother.

Book 3, section 5

They tell me that room 101 is the end. Not the end of your life, but it might as well be. It is where you cease to be yourself and just become one of the blundering, brainwashed fools. Or just a nameless victom of a hanging, not much better. I don't want to, but no one can escape. And when They brought out the rats, I understood why. They what you fear most, and use it aggainst you. With it, they can force information out of you you didn't even know you were hiding.
For me it was Julia.
I gave her up to them. Not in the physical sense, because they already had her. No, I gave her up mentally. She no longer was mine, and I betrayed the promise of our relationship. I betrayed our love.

Book 3, section 4

I am on the recover. Everyday, it seems, I am getting better. My muscles are getting stronger, and I am getting fatter. I am still amazed though at how little I am able to do. I can't even lift y self off of the bed at times. But I am improving, at the least.
I am workning on crimestop, which is the ability to believe anything the Party says. I am performing simple exercises, involving phrases such as 'the Party believes the world is flat' or 'the party syas that ice is heavier than water'. They are amazingly hard to do, these exercises, but just like my body, they are emproving everyday.

Book 3, section 3

I now know the answer to my question. I always wondered 'why', and know I know. O'Brien was a collaborator in the making of the book, and he told me. He told me it was merely for the sake of power. As he stated, "Not wealth of luxury of long life or happiness; only power, pure power.
It is amazing how he understands me. Before I open my mouth he knows what I am going to say. Even now, as he tortures me, I can apreciate him. He is so intelligent and interesting. And sometimes, I can even believe that he cares about me.

Book 3, section 2

The days pass without notice, and eventually start to blend together. The pain I am put through was expected from the start, but I didn't realize how much it would wear on my soul. They keep trying to force a confession from me, but I have already told them everything. So I make ones up. I blame people I have never even talked to. They eventually put me in a room, with O' Brien, where they can put me through excruciating pain at their whim. He is telling me that I am crazy. That I am lying to myself. That 2+2=5. But I can't help it, My brain tells me there is 4, even though I desperatly want to see 5. I want to do anything to make the pain stop. He says he is trying to make me better, to cure me. But I fear that if O'brien keeps this up. I won't live long enough to recover from whatever ailment he believes I have.

Book 3, section 1

The ministry of Love. They say that when you enter, you never leave.
I woke up in a white room, with no windows and a small bench to sit upon. It was the first room I had ever seen without a telescreen, for really, there was little or even no need for it. What else was I going to do? They already caught me. The days pass without notice in here, because of the lack of any natural light.
And O'Brien is one of them.

Book 2, section 10

They caught us. They finally caught us. The telescreen, hidden behind the picture frome, spoke to us. And Mr. Charrington, oh our dear Mr. Charrington who sold me the diary, rented us the room, and told me rhymes of the past, is not ours. He is a member of the thought police. When the voice sounded from the telescreen, Julia and I jumped apart, startled. We can no longer be together, our fates are sealed.
We are the dead.

book 2, section 9

After a long week of work, I have finall gotten the chance to read the book. I quickly and sneakily went to my little room above Mr. Charrington's shop, where I could be positive I was safe. What was amazing about the information was that I already knew it all. Well, maybe I didn't know it, but I suspected it at least. But I understand how, not why. Maybe time in the brotherhood will lead me to the knowledge I seek.

Book 2, section 8

The meeting between O'Brien and I finally has taken place! At first he seemed cold, and for a minute I became worried. How did we know that he was with us, aggainst the party, and aggainst Big Brother? For all we knew he could be a member of the secret police. But then, he did the most wonderous thing. He turned off the telescreen! At first I was shocked, but then he explained that because he was an inner party member, he had special rights. And then, he told me that he would be sending me, the book.

Book 2, section 7

I had an awful dream last night. Luckily, Julia was there to comfort me. I couldn't remember what the dream was specifically about, but it brought back a memory I would have rather stayed hidden.
My mother had just got the small chocolate ration. She broke it into two peices, one obviously larger than the other, and gave the smaller to my sister. I quickly devored mine, and even though mine was much bigger than my sisters, she had barely eaten any, and was taking her time. My stomach was still growling with hunger, and so, in a moment of childish weakness, I grabbed the tiny choclate peice from my sister. I ran away quickly, and once I was far enough away that I felt safe, I finished off the chocolate.
That was the last time I saw my family.

book 2, section 6

Finally. The connection between O'Brien and myself has been verified. He is on my side, and I am on his.
He contacted me today, telling me to come to his house. He made up this quite believable story about correcting a few mistakes in my article's newspeak. After writing down his address and sitting his glasses back upon the bridge of his nose in salute, he was gone.
But my pounding heart is not.

Book 2, section 5

Hate week will soon be upon us. Everyone is preparing for it. The hate week song has been written, Parsons and the rest of the ignorant fools of our society have been busy decorating the city, and posters of a Eurasian soldier has been placed up on every blank wall; his gun pointing at you indefinitely. Even the proles were excited.
Recently I have lost the need for my gin. I used to drink it all hours of the day, to keep myself up and running; away from the depression that used to eat at me inside. And my ankle has healed. The only trace of my ulcer is a brown patch. The coughing fits in the morning, gone. Life at the moment is somewhat bearable.
What scares me is the thought that it could end.

Book 2, section 4

I have had the most wonderful day today. First, Julia brought in coffee. Real coffee! just the aroma itself was enough to bring back old memories. And a whole bag of real sugar, not saccharine sugar, to fill it with. And there was milk, bread, jam, and tea as well. At first I could believe my eyes. These were inner party foods, ones I had scarcely even seen let alone eaten. And then, Julia bade me to turn around, and surprised me with a face covered in paint. It was amazing to me how beautiful she looked. But then, my Julia is always beautiful. When I asked her how she had gotten all of these wonderful objects she merely replied that servants and waiters tend to swipe a few tidbits now and then.
Days like these are the reason for my existence.

Book 2, section 3

Julia and I have gotten to know each other. I have told her all about Katherine. She was not surprised of course. Sometimes I wonder if she is ever surprised. When I told her about the chance I had to get rid of Katherine that time by the cliff, she merely said that I should have pushed her, and that she would have. Now that I think back on it, I realize that is if I were the person I was today, I would have. It has also occurred to me recently that there is no way for us to win in our lifetime. We can only sow the seeds for the next generation. Julia, of course, didn't want to listen to such. She immediately shushed me when I spoke my thoughts aloud.

Book 2, section 2

It is amazing how much has changed for me in the last couple days. One minute I was fighting on my own, completely unaware of the fact that there were others like me, and the next, I had a companion. And I also had thought that she was a member of the thought police. How wrong I was. Not only is she not a member of the thought police, but she is as opposed to the rule of Big Brother as I am. Though, I have my doubts as to how far she would go to rid us of this controlling government. She seems uninterested in the political aspect of this rebellion, only the 'rebelling part'. Oh, but other than that she is wonderful. My darling. My Julia.

Book 2, section 1

Today, as I was walking to the lavatory, the most random and important event occurred. The girl, yes the girl, fell down in front of my eyes. She already had her arm in a sling, and she fell right on top of it. At first, I was frightened. What if it were a trick! A horrible trick that she was playing on me because she was part of the thought police. But, after a few seconds of watching her on the ground, I decided that it wasn't likely, and helped her to her feet. After she was upright again, she was gone. But in my hand was a reminder of her. A message. I waited a while to read it, making sure I was completely safe. Inside, in large lettering, were the words that changed my life.

I love you

Book 1

Today I walked through the proles.
It was in an attempt to see what the future of our world was dependent upon. But now I wish I had not gone. It is horrifying to see the population you are most dependent on more preoccupied with hitting each other over the head with pots and pans than in the lack of equality they are experiencing.
Not to mention I saw the girl again today. The girl with the dark hair. I have decided that she must be a member of the thought police. What else would she be doing walking around the proletarian section? Unless she was following me just for the sake of turning me in. It is amazing how much brainwashed people can do. How much they can destroy. How many lives have been lost because of them.

Book 1

Today at work, I was given a job of revising an article on an unperson. A person who doesn't exist anymore. I decided to write a new article on a person who had just died during a battle in India. His name was Ogilvy. He was the perfect party member in every way. Blindly loyal, and completely unaware of the ways of the world. Just like everyone else it seems. Except me.
Sometimes I wish I could be as ignorant as Parson. The stupid fellow just listens to Big Brother as if he was a puppy. A blind puppy, and B.B. was his master. And in a way he is. They both are.
Maybe if I didn't hear the differences in what has been said and what is being said, I might be able to sleep easier. Maybe it was a mistake, and I heard them say it wrong. Maybe there wasn't a drop in the chocolate ration. Is there something wrong with me?
Or is it everyone else.

Book 1

Today is the first day I write in this journal. For all I know, it could be the last. They could be outside my door right now, ready to catch me.
The thought police.
It is with this in mind that I write down the life I have here in Oceania. Avoiding detection, performing the usual duties of a party member.
Trying to find the truth. That is all that matters. There is no truth here in Oceania. Only made-up people in made-up articles. According to Big Brother, if you control the past, you control the future. This is why I must discover the past. No, I must rediscover it.
Today, as I was doing my exercises, and was in agonizing pain from attempting to touch my toes, I was addressed by the instructress. It was then that I realized that it was true. They are watching us at all times. And you are never safe.